Everything happened so fast at this point, several doctors came in and explained what was happening and then the next thing I knew I was being wheeled away alone while my husband stayed back to get his scrubs on.  The OR was bright and honestly scary — so, so different than anything I had ever experienced — part of me was terrified but another part had a peace that she was almost here and that finally, after so long, we would know why she wasn’t growing and could be well taken care of.  The sweetest man, my anestheologist, talked me through everything, my husband walked in and stood right by my side, and within minutes our fourth baby girl was born.  I heard her cry, got to see a few photos from my husband who walked over to be with her, and then within minutes watched them wheel her away.  I was so nervous about how that moment would go/feel but somehow it wasn’t nearly has hard as I thought it would be, looking back I think I was just so incredibly relieved that she was here that I couldn’t even wrap my head around the fact that my baby wasn’t laying on my chest in that magical moment like I had experienced before.

I spent the next few hours in the recovery room and then was transferred to a room, because of the C-section I was not allowed to go to the NICU until that evening around 6pm — which again, is so crazy painful to think about now, but somehow I did it and had peace in knowing that it was part of her story.  My husband finally was able to wheel me down and there she was, in the giant isolette, hooked to tons of wires and machines, but looking perfect + sweet as can be.  My baby girl.  I finally got to hold her and she was worth ALL OF IT.  I would do all the appointments, the scary nights, the uncertainty and the pain if it meant I got to have her in the end.  And we do.  We get to have a perfectly healthy Delilah June, our little miracle babe that will forever have this birth + time in my belly that is a story all of her own.  She ended up spending only 11 days in the NICU after that first day when she was born, she hit milestone after milestone and ultimately only needed to be there to get to 4 pounds.  The day she hit that mark we got to bring her home (!!!) to three VERY excited big sisters who love her so incredibly much.

Just a little while after Delilah was born we were sent a report on my placenta: it was only 1/3 of the size of a normal placenta, was calcified, and had a true knot in the umbilical cord.  I think deep down the whole time I knew that it was placenta and that ultimately she was going to fight through and that everything would be just fine, but the relief in that moment was something I hadn’t prepared myself for.  Things could have gone so differently but she did it — we did it!!!!  Words can’t explain I thankful I am for our healthy perfect final baby girl.

And some pictures of her first couple weeks with us. 🙂

It has taken me eight months to write this, I could blame it on how busy I am with four kids but really it’s because it was such a different experience than my other girls (both her birth + the pregnancy), and it’s taken me a while to process it all.  Delilah June’s birthday will forever be one of the happiest days of my life, it was beautiful + special + also really hard, but best of all it brought us her.

I have written about Delilah’s pregnancy here, after three very normal and uneventful pregancies (all three overdue + induced), I ended up with just the opposite the fourth time around.  Our baby girl was diagnosed with SIUGR at 22 weeks, and after a few REALLY hard weeks waiting to see if she would make it or grow at all, I was transferred to a high risk doctor who I saw twice a week, every week, for the remainder of my pregnancy.  I was reminded at every appointment that if she showed any signs of distress, they would immediately send me to the hospital for a C-section and to be prepared for a very premature baby who was going to be “a challenge”.  They never ever talked past making it past the current week with me and I was told to always have a bag packed, it’s still hard to wrap my head around the fact that in the blink of an eye, I was hoping for a baby who would make it to two pounds and past 30 weeks — something that would have never crossed my mind before.  Those days/weeks were brutal and so incredibly scary, but we did it!  I always have said that everything happens for a reason and I am convinced that the entire experience gave me so much perspective, peace in knowing that our family was complete, and made me so much stronger than I could have ever been before.

Fast forward to 37 weeks — and somehow, with the help of prayers, and because our tiny girl is one STRONG, resilient little lady, we made it as far as they let anyone go with SIUGR and our delivery date was set for Friday, May 13th.  I remember leaving the high-risk doctor’s office for the last time before my scheduled induction and what a surreal feeling it was after months of being there ALL the time.  The doctor who followed me through most of my appointments (and was always very real, to say the least) looked at me and said — “Sometimes in OB you can’t explain why things go wrong, and sometimes you can’t explain why they go right.  Just say amen”.  Our little Delilah is truly a miracle.

Because I was high-risk and with a different doctor than the other three girls, I had to deliver at a different hospital.  This made me sad at first (I loved the hospital + all of my birth experiences so much), but after what we went through I truly just wanted her here + safe.  We were not sure if I would be able to go through with the induction or have to do a C-section, mostly because she was breeched so much of my pregnancy, but the morning when my husband and I arrived, an ultrasound confirmed that she was not breeched and we could try for an induction.  So we did, I got hooked up to pitocin to induce labor for the fourth time — but this time just felt SO DIFFERENT.  It was quiet (we could only have one visitor, my mom), an entirely new place that just felt so foreign to us, and of course I was so anxious about all of it.  We tried pitocin and a foley bulb to help me dilate, and though it was taking forever, much like my other inductions, everything seemed to be going well.  Until it wasn’t.  In the middle of the night the nurses all of the sudden kept coming in to have me change positions because her heart rate was apparently dropping with every contraction.  It improved once I moved but then went right back pretty much every time, and it quickly became obvious that our my fourth labor was going to end in my first C-section.

Continued in Part Two, and sharing just a few photos from the last couple months of my pregnancy since through this crazy experience, we didn’t take any photos during her labor at the hospital! 

Another December has come and gone all too quickly, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year + even though this year felt more busy and crazy than ever, I would do it all over again if I could.  A few things I always want to remember from the 2022 holiday season:

Waverly stopped “believing” this year, which was heartbreaking and also one of the sweetest parts of the season for me.  She was SO excited to help us hide the elves each night and 110% was more consistent and creative than her dad or I at it.  I was worried that once she knew she might slip with one of her sisters, but she was the cutest keeping it a secret and wanted them to believe so much.  This month was also big for her, she had a ton of performances for dance and also performed in her school play.

Avalon running down to find the elves and get her chocolate from the advent calender each morning will forever be some of my favorite Christmas memories, it is her favorite time of day and her excitement is the best.  This year she wanted a hover board, fidgets and puzzles, all so very true to her personality right now.  She loves a good holiday hot chocolate and will always bake all the Christmas treats with me.

Remie Rue, age four, and probably at my favorite age for Christmas.  The magic at this age is the BEST, she just gets it and it’s also the most magical thing to her in the world.  I loved listening to Jingle Bells with her each morning on the way to school and seeing her perform in her first ever live holiday preschool performance this month.  She changed her wish list so many times, a couple days before the actual holiday she added a “red monkey” to her list, I will forever laugh about that.

And sweet Delilah — her very first Christmas!!!!  She is seven months old and has changed so much in the past few weeks, she is currently babbling all the time, laughing, and smiling so big at her sisters.  She is just so, so precious, and pretty good about going along with us to all of the activities (just as long as mama and dad is close, she is very much at that seperation anxiety phase!!).  Also a forever core memory, she learned to sit up on Christmas Eve!  With all of her sisters cheering right beside her, of course.

And now it’s on to 2023!  This year will be big, we have a future kindergartener, a middle schooler, and I will turn 40!  Excited for all that is to come. 🙂

Our Delilah June is SIX MONTHS old, this time last year we were just finding out that we were actually going to have that fourth baby that I dreamt about for so long + now she is here and I cannot imagine a life without her.  Life with four kids is definitely crazy and I haven’t been able to update on her as much as her sisters, but she is such a little sweetheart that I know she will forgive me one day and completely understand 😉

Sweet little Delilah.  She is pure happiness and light.  We don’t think we have ever had such a smiley or chatty baby as her, she just constantly radiates joy and wants to use her voice to “chat” with everyone around her.  She loves bath time (her favorite time of day since she was just a few weeks old), being held, a good warm bottle, + her big sisters.  She really doesn’t like being without someone very close to her and I guess that’s a good thing because when you are the fourth kid, you never really have to.  She is definitely the current house favorite, I look at how much my three older girls adore her and it’s really one of the very best parts of having a big family.

Last week she hit the DOUBLE DIGITS (10.1 pounds!), she has close to tripled her weight since birth and is absolutely perfectly healthy.  Such an answered prayer.  She is still tiny for her age since she started out small, but growing just like she should now that she is on the outside, and meeting all of her milestones.  My pregnancy with her was so incredibly stressful + I am so, so glad it’s behind us, but I truly believe the silver lining in it was the perspective it gave me.  I used to get so sad when when my other girls were growing what felt like all too fast, and now after praying + hoping for the little babe inside me to just grow week after week for the entire second half of my pregnancy, I realize what a gift it is to be able to watch our babies grow.  That’s exactly what we want them to do, and I am sooooo grateful to be able to watch our Delilah girl do just that.

Some favorite pictures of Delilah from her first six months, she is such a doll!!  We think she looks like the sweetest little mix of all three of her big sisters, with the brightest blue eyes of all four of them (one of my favorite features of hers!!).  HAPPY half birthday Delilah, we love you so!!!

And for a fun comparison, all three of my other girls at six months — Waverly, Avalon + Remie Rue!

It’s just a couple days until Halloween, it seemed like a good time to share some favorite photos from the past month!  October is always a favorite, this time around feels extra special since our last little babe is here to soak it in with us annnnd since last year I was so sick this month with her in my belly.  We are still very much knee deep in our addition and a lot of time has been spent close to home so my husband can work on that, but we have managed a few trips to the pumpkin patch, some fun Halloween crafts, and the boo zoo.  I still cannot believe that we are old enough to have a ten year old or that we have four little girls now, the days are long (sometimes very long!) but the years are short + I love each of them so incredibly much.

We hope fall is beautiful your way! XO