Being Brickner : One Year & Beyond: Mom Guilt

Thursday, May 22, 2014

One Year & Beyond: Mom Guilt

It's funny how timing works, the topic "mom guilt" has been more relevant than ever for me the last few days.  To keep it real, it's been one of those weeks.  We kicked it off with Waverly melting down in public for the third time in three days, one of her most dramatic performances yet.  At home, we have a colorful new mural on our wall that is all in crayon & let's just say I didn't plan on it being there.  And currently, Waverly has decided that she no longer would like me to dress her because obviously, a 21-month old can handle that task all on her own. ;)

I know it's all part of the toddler territory & I need to put on my big girl pants & deal with it, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that my patience had been tested to the max.  I had a moment, questioned our discipline strategies (& why I publicly said how well they were working, doesn't that always come back to haunt you?!).  I totally felt like I had failed as a mom, but I have since moved on.  It's really hard not to, it's the same toddler tornado who causes the stress that always does something within minutes of it that makes your heart stop you love them so much. 
Yesterday, Waverly was playing on the porch all on her own (she had closed the screen door & said "mama, inside", "gogger, outside").  I put a few dishes away & looked back outside to Waverly sitting literally on top of Bogger, like he was a pony.  They sat there for a few minutes as I just watched from behind, I wish I could have caught a picture but I didn't want to disturb their sweet, peaceful moment.  Waverly spent the rest of the afternoon in her house, eating her snack & then, sharing the rest with "gogger".  The cutest.


 So, mom guilt.  I clearly believe in it & experience it more times than I want to.  I am convinced that it is built into one of the pregnancy hormones & then stays with you pretty much forever.  I have a feeling I will still get mom guilt even when my kids are grown & well out of the house.

I was one of those pregnant girls who was really careful, like over-careful, when it came to what I ate or what I did for that 10 months.  I remember being well into my third trimester & craving a bath so badly, I had read somewhere that I would "cook" the baby so I hadn't taken one since we found out we were expecting.  Yet I couldn't stop thinking about it (pregnancy craving?), so I made the water ice cold & froze myself to death just to take one.  Then I don't think I slept for a few days since I couldn't stop thinking that my baby girl was cooked inside my belly.  Mom guilt.
These days, Waverly is obviously my number one priority.  Not a moment goes by that I'm not thinking about what is best for her & how I can make it happen.  I know my husband feels the same way, but even he would tell you that he doesn't get the same "guilt" we do.  It's totally not fair, right?! ;)
 

I have no magical advice on how to deal with it, although I really wish I did! :)  Yet what I always think about is how amazing Waverly really is.  Overall, she is a such a happy, sweet-natured & smart little lady.  She gives me kisses every morning & hugs every night, she repeats "hi, mama" & grabs my face all day long.  Ultimately, there really is no better way to gain confidence as a mom than to look at your child, especially how much they love & adore you. 
There really isn't much better.

 
Thanks again to everyone who is involved in this link-up, I really have found it so helpful & inspiring!  See this post for details on how to be a part of it! :)  We hope you are all having the best week & that you are getting as excited for a 3-day holiday weekend that we are!  Enjoy every minute!!  XOXO
 

From Here to EternityWords About Waverly

my delicious adventure Photobucket
My Delicious Adventure                  The Life Of Faith

Running From The LawThe Olive Tree

         

An InLinkz Link-up

27 comments:

  1. Okay first off, amazing pictures! As always :) I am in love with her cute dress and turquoise necklaces! To die for! As for mom guilt, oh my. Such a struggle for me. I actually started writing a response to your post, and realized it was quickly turning into a post of my own. I also realized it was kind of therapeutic to write about... I guess I'll be linking up now :) Thanks for hosting!

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    1. Haha, I love that! It really is therapeutic - one of the many things I love about blogging!!! :)

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  2. Oh mom guilt. You're right -- it seriously starts with pregnancy. But you're dealing with it, and clearly Waverly is a loved little girl, so make sure to remember that the next time you're feeling any sort of guilt!

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  3. aw! Your little girl is so cute! I don't have any children yet, but I have 3 nephews and a niece and I see how my sister feels at certain times being a mommy. It's such hard work, but such a blessing that the Lord provides! Thank you for sharing your heart with us!

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    1. Thanks for your support, lady!!! You will make a wonderful mama one day! XO

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  4. Oh girl, I so agree with you! I linked up today because I had so much to say on the topic. I, too, don't really have any advice, just the guilt! But I'd say that if our little ones are happy and healthy and run to us to give us a kiss when we get home from work, then we're doing something right :)

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  5. If only there was some magical advice... Thank goodness for those tiny hands that pat us, hug us, and love us all of the time regardless of how we are feeling we're doing as their mama. They make it all worth it and they are the only little ones that matter.

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  6. Oh yeah, mom guilt is definitely something I struggle with. Guilty over saying "hold on" or "just one minute" when asked to play when I'm in the middle of something, wanting to put her to bed just a little bit early after a bad day for some "me" time, staring at my phone instead of playing on the floor with her...ugh, so many reasons to feel guilty! I feel as women we're always beating ourselves up over something and it just becomes worse once you're a mom!

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  7. Love this. And so true about mom guilt. Oh and I haven't taken a bath either, but I did dip my toes into a hot tub the other day. I figure that was ok, right?! 9 weeks until I can soak in a hot bath!!

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  8. Oh my goodness your bath comment is too cute. I have to say I am on the opposite end (so I guess I have some guilt about that) I figure the baby is pretty well off inside me even if I decide to indulge in deli meat once in a blue moon.
    I seriously fear the day my daughter wants to dress herself...nooooooo!!!

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  9. I am cracking up at your "cooking the baby" comment. That story is too funny! Great post. I love (and hate) this topic. Wish there was some magic fix to make all the mom guilt go away!

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  10. I felt the same way about the bath comment! When I was in labor the first time, I heard that taking a bath was supposed to help with the pain, so I got out our meat thermometer and thought, well if I only make the water 98.7 then it can't be that bad, cause that's the same as my body temperature! I wasn't going to link up, but then I started thinking about it, cause lately I've been experiencing mommy guilt (which I normally don't) and thought how can I deal with this...

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  11. I love this link up :) Writing about mom guilt is something I definitely needed to do! Reflection is KEY! I love how you say it's a hormone that we're stuck with pretty much forever because that's exactly how I feel, too!

    Beautiful pictures, as always! Your blog has become one of my favourites to read!

    xo Tawnya

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    1. You are so sweet, that really is the best compliment! And glad you can relate, makes us all feel better right?! XO

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  12. Mom guilt... I feel like I deal with this at least once a day... every single day...especially when I'm at work and I see that he's having fun at school. And I think you are right... Dad's I'm sure feel guilt too but it isn't built-in the same way as it is with the Moms. :)

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  13. Mom guilt is the WORST!!!!!!!! I promise that you're doing an amazing job!! :)

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  14. Caleb had his one year check up today. Three shots and a finger prick later, and my poor baby was in misery. We got home and I laid him down to take a nap, and all he wanted was to cuddle. Melted my heart into a giant puddle. He was restless during nap time, so I laid with him the whole time. At one point , he woke up and then snuggled even closer. It's time like these - sweet, precious moments - that make the million times I have to chase him down the hall because he grabbed something he can't have or doesn't want a diaper change so worth it!

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  15. I completely agree with the mom guilt! I think it's something that comes when you give birth and never goes away. I am constantly feeling guilty.... I didn't hold her enough, I didn't play with her enough, I left her alone for too long while I got housework done. I should have done this, I shouldn't have done that! I'm just trying to do my best every day and let myself off the hook when I'm feeling like I didn't!

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    1. EXACTLY! At least we all know we are in this together! One of my favorite parts of blogging! :)

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  16. I swear I could've written this exact same post!!! A few (okay a lot of) public meltdowns lately have had me questioning my parenting strategies...but then Arden will do something sweet or funny and all seems right in the world again. I think we are just at that age--with some strong-willed little ladies to boot! ;) Good luck mama! And if you figure out how to squash mom guilt all together will you let me know?!?

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    1. It really is comforting to know that Waverly isn't the only one who is REALLY, really good at public meltdowns lately! I swear I feel like she is when it happens and all the other kids are sitting quietly in their strollers staring at our hot mess!!!! Haha!!!! XO

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  17. Ditto on the mom guilt! And I had it bad when I was pregnant too. I had two miscarriages before Kennedy so I was so PARANOID! I remember crying for 2 hours on 4th of July because it was very hot outside and I jumped in the pool without thinking about it. I was so worried the impact of me jumping in had hurt Kennedy.

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  18. Ohhhhh the mom guilt... I totally hear you on this one. First things first, no matter how much guilt we feel, we know we are doing everything right and at the end of the day we love our littles more then anything in the world. Crazy how timing does work because I have been feeling some huge mommy guilt recently. Being a stay at home mom, I am the primary disciplinarian, and being pregnant and hormonal I have noticed I have lost my temper more times than I would like to think about. And Charli is REALLY starting to understand discipline and consequences, and when I am in the middle of discipling her and I see the look on her face and her bottom lip come out, I feel HORRIBLE, like I am the absolute worst person/mother there ever was... UGH it is so hard! Anywho, I had heard the same thing about baths when preggo but my OB (actually both of my OB's now) have recommended baths for me because of my illness and pains I am dealing with. I have never had an issue with taking a bath while pregnant and Charli turned out perfect! They say it isn't the actual bath, it is anything that can raise your body temp too high... So I keep the water warm, and at a very low low level!

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  19. I think every mom experienced mom guilt at some point or another. I didn't really experience it until I got pregnant with my second, and then I just worried about how my son would react to it all. And now after three kids I just feel guilty about getting overwhelmed. But I think it is all normal, and natural to this mothering business!

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  20. Mommy guilt is so real and soooooo consuming! I forgot how much guilt I felt when I was pregnant until you mentioned it. It's so much easier for me to brush the guilt off when I can see that she's happy (for the most part) and obviously thriving right in front of my eyes! No matter how bad a day is, I can count on waking up the next morning refreshed and with a clear mind... which helps me have a better attitude about how the day will go. Despite the tantrums and disciplining, Mia still loves me which means I'm doing right by her. No sense in beating myself up more than I have to!

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  21. P.S. I bought Mia some maxi dresses last week and totally thought of you! Can't wait to see her in them!

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